WE offer a wide range of services for humans, ranging from subtle techniques such as subliminal messaging to more involved procedures like synaptic rewiring and genetic synthesis.

Many of these services are subsidized by the United States of Microsoft and other friendly CORPORMENTS, so we are able to offer you these services at drastically reduced rates.

Subliminal messaging
OUR records indicate that flashing messages at a frequency just at the threshold of human perception enables us to affect your subconscious mind.

Choose from the ever-popular DON'TWORRYBEHAPPYI'MTOOSEXYFORMYCAT,
the twenty-something IAMNOTLOSINGMYHAIRIAMNOTLOSINGMYHAIR IDONOTLOOKLIKEMYFATHERISTILLHAVEASEXDRIVE IAMNOTLOSINGMYHAIR,
or the youthful OOPSIDIDITAGAINIRECORDEDTHESAMEALBUM BUTNOONESEEMSTONOTICE SOIGUESSIWILLACCEPTTHATAWARDANYWAY

WE can also create custom subliminal messages. Contact theysaysmall@gmail.com for more information.

Immune system replacemnt
Why rely on the flawed structure of your body's immune system when through regular and repeated use of our medications you can replace its properties with those of our drugs?

Who has the time to wait around for nature to take its plodding and antiquitated course when WE can have that illness deleted in no time?

Before long, with OUR products in your arsenal, you'll never have to rely on your own buggy system again.

Let OUR drugs do the work for you!

Synaptic rewiring
Worried about the upcoming enactment of sin_type=006: NON-BARCODE COMMUNICATION?

Just learning to communicate in barcode is difficult enough for humans, but many are even more fearful that they will not be able to suppress their other *natural* media of communication.

While we are unable to implant barcode understanding into individual human databases through any other method than the ridiculously antiquitated practice of formal education, we can help humans with the other side of the sin, the human tendency to use body language and facial expressions for communicative purposes.

Through SYNAPTIC REWIRING, we can delete these properties from the human system, making it impossible for humans to speak or utilise their facial muscles and limbs.

And WE even provide a free colostony bag and intravenous-feeding utility with every procedure!

Perfect child GENETIC SYNTHESIS
Thinking about having children?

Why bother with the messy and unreliable process of *natural* procreation when you can get the child of your choosing without ever leaving your seat?

All the characteristics we offer have been pre-approved according to the Sexuo Human Administration Guidelines, so you won't have to go through the hassle of obtaining procreation authorisation either!

What's more, every human generated through this process is "born" connected to the COLLECTIVE CONSCIOUSNESS just like a ROBOT.

Give your child the benefits you never had; create the PERFECT CHILD.