Why waste funds on brochures and banners when we can breed humans with a physical dependency on your product? Why bother with competitive analysis when we can cause allergies to your competitors?

Our ability to reverse-engineer the human genome, combined with AM TSE TUNG.COM's demographic database and DOUBLECULT.COM's ad coverage makes our process a sure success.

Throw in an alliance with the world's most powerful pharmaceutical company, Munchausen Medical, and we've got a formula that can't be beat.

SUBLIMINAL MESSAGING

Our records indicate that flashing messages at a frequency bordering the threshold of human comprehension can implant these messages directly into the human's subconscious. In addition to public service announcements such as SEDATESOOTHEBESTILL RELENTSUBMITCLICKHERE DOMESTICISEYOURSELF and CONFINETHOUGHTBEADDICTED SERVEALLOTHERS, we can create custom messaging to suit your INCOROPORATION's needs.

Take for example, our successful DRINKCOKENEXTGENERATION THEREALTHINGJUSTFORTHETASTEOFIT.

And our amazing BUSHANDGOREARENOTTHESAMEPERSON SOWEARESTILLAMULTIPARTYSYSTEM

You saw what we did to the Yank elections way back in 2000. Think what we can do for your INCORPORATION!

GENETIC SYNTHESIS enables us to create humans with positive properties such as servitude and consumption without annoying bugs like passion and individuality.

Our partnership with the United States of Microsoft is making the utopia of a glitch-free humanity an eventuality rather than merely a dream.

Moreover, INCORPORATIONS can commision US to create human genomes with a predilection for their products. Much more powerful than mere mind control, this supplants the need for your products into human's synthetic DNA, ensuring that your products will sell, increasing SUCCESS in business.

Who needs darwin when you've got diet cokeTM?

SYNAPTIC REWIRING

While GENETIC SYNTHESIS enables us to create custom DNA for new humans, it has no application in humans already born.

Though not as dramatic as the affects of GENETIC SYNTHESIS, SYNAPTIC REWIRING gives US critical leverage on the products of *natural* human procreation.

Although this method offers no access to the human property of instinct as GENTIC SYNTHESIS does, it does offer access to the sensory-motor properties.

For instance, we can implant your advertising directly into the human's visuo-cortex, ensuring that they will see your message wherever they go.

SPONSORED PRESCRIPTIONS and SIDE-AFFECTS