I woke up this morning from a dream about Alyssa. We were playing guitar together (in the real world, I didn't learn guitar until she died and I ended up with one of hers), except that I can only read TAB and Base Clef, and her music was written in treble clef, so I was unable to keep up. I knew it was one of my rare chances to be with her, and was so sad to have been unprepared for it. I woke up crying.

I don't mind so much crying about her, because at least it is a form of connection with her. But every time I think of her, I remember that I will not see her for the rest of my life. That never loses its impact, because no matter what goes on in my life I know that nothing can change the fact that I will never see her again.