So, what’s so not clay pigeon about all this. They are clay, and I’m not just splitting hairs over species of bird, especially as I don’t think any species exist with horns coming out of their back like an iguana.

But, when I say clay pigeon I mean the kind that are made to be blown up. Or, more specifically, to be blown up spectacularly. The guy at the shooting range told my brother that before they had the clay pigeon set up, they just used bottles. Glass was a pain to clean up, and hard to come by, so they used plastic bottles. But they quickly realised that merely hitting the target wasn’t the point; it had to explode spectacularly. Those terms exactly. So, they filled the plastic bottles with water and they did just that. Exploding splashes.

Anyway, they are not clay pigeons, but they are made of clay. And I made them. And I like them.

It is a cute title, though. Albeit cute in a three year old internet way, like when it was quite pop to misuse words like meme and postmodern. And just because their popular useage is out of style, doesn’t mean the terms are; they are both more complex than I will ever know.

The point is, these are not clay pigeons, but they are made of clay, so we treat them like clay pigeons, see? Except in slow motion like, since this clay is so soft. I mean, soft time would be slow, innit? So, this is the deal: I mail these clay creations in a soft envelope and let the ravages of the Fiji postal system do the rest of the job, in a semi-automated art method a la that Italian guy with the bright blue site, right? Like the one who has great ideas but no drawing skills that I can see, but is still in galleries and all. The bloke wot invented neen, see. Or, rather, payed a company to. Comissioned em, mebbe.

See I just finished this Iain Banks book called Dead Air, and he’s got lots of East-End English in there wot I am sourly-dowerly imitating. Wots is freaky-like is summa his books wot kennut be got in the US. (hey, is that scottish guy still around? the funny one?) Sum sorta marketing thing. Like the design is all different too, all icons and small and black inna US, but duotone pale photo-like in the UK. And he is also Iain M. Banks, but only rights sci-fi with that name. Wierd.

Anyway, I am quite good at this I think, and can take comissions. (that’s artist for custom-orders, see) And if you want to be involved in this whole mailing thing let me know. But you have to be honest and send it back to me.

Right, then.

 

Wotsat? Oh, the three words on top, you put your mouse onnem like. Shelly said the devil one would make a good card. I thought maybe an I'm sorry card.